Newspaper seeks Sports and Politics Journalist:
Successful candidate will be:
- A complete errant hedge-born skainsmate with an aversion to facts and an eye for getting our idiotic readers excited enough to turn beyond the previous page that has a big pair of tits on it.
- Highly experienced at disregarding any potential consequences of his/her work, especially with regard to the impact on other people's lives or livelihoods.
- Familiar with using twitter, except in times following any publication of his or her articles, during which he/she will be expected to go completely quiet.
- Highly skilled at dirtying names and reputations with unfounded rumours that will stick beyond the grave.
- Familiar with the PCC Code and how to use it to one's advantage in order to add insult to injury.
- Excellent at fellatio and ready to provide it on demand as and where required.
The ability to use correct spelling, punctuation and grammar is desirable but not essential.
Candidates with a history of leaving the office, talking to people, checking their facts and using common sense need not apply.
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